I just came across an email I sent to WSJ journalist Elizabeth Bernstein after her article “How facebook Ruins Friendships”, where she argues that something went wrong when we took our friendships online. She says that there is something odd about discussing so many aspects of our lives that are basically irrelevant to most people. Rather than post my response in full, here is the crux of my argument:

People post this information because they like to share their lives. I often share what I ate for lunch with my coworkers. Not everything, but the interesting bits. But now that our “community” is not a local village where we would share our daily lives, but spread out across the world, the daily aspects of our lives are lost to all but those in our immediate vicinity. I would argue it is the little things that truly make a community.

Online tools are simply that: tools. Websites such as facebook and Myspace are used to satisfy a niche that is currently unsatisfied - otherwise they would not become popular. The market demand determines the success of the tool. I agree that people go too crazy with it and post bits that are irrelevant to me. Then again not a day goes by where someone says something to me about their life that to me is also irrelevant. In WebLand I have the choice to gloss over whereas in the real world I must say something.

The crazies have the loudest voices and always will. But these are the exceptions not the standards. I read through my friend’s statuses a few times a day. I love to hear what people of whom I was once very tied in with locally are now doing.

I’m beginning to view these exceptions as a kind of growing pains. Much like a teenager will blurt out a socially awkward statement or tell someone too much information out of a lack of knowing what is relevant and what is not, the language and style of online communication is much the same.

I’ve noticed a difference between age demographics and the kind of information users post. 20-somethings post only the most interesting content. 30-somethings will post EVERYTHING. And over 40 generally only post information that will be relevant to family or work. I think this in some ways can be traced to the digital native/digital tourist divide and whether people are able to unconsciously understand the unstated rules and behaviors of a group.

Through facebook I’ve reconnected with family that I haven’t seen in years. I’ve shared aspects of my life with my Grandfather and cousins that were all but lost in the only occasional visits we seem to be able to achieve. I can keep tabs with my parents beyond our biweekly phone calls and chat with my sister about our lives in ways that were impossible in the past , even with cell phones that never leave our sides.

I understand the point of your article and applaud your honestly. We should pick up the phone more often than not. But the distance between “worth calling about” and “don’t bother with the little stuff” is sometimes where the real substance lives.

What do you think, oh world of online users? Is facebook just an annoying portal for those who don’t understand the method and meaning behind the post-your-daily-lives madness, or is there a purpose to the sharing at a deeper, human level?